Couldn’t even do 60/365 days of positivity. Truth is, I started to feel like the ultimate poser. So much shit happens in life and it was really difficult for me to post something positive every day. I try to remind myself not to put too much pressure on myself and enjoy the moment. But fuck, life is hard.

Top 10 Reasons I stopped posting:

  1. Planning my sons Bar Mitzvah was stressful. I love him and I wanted to make him feel like he was the most special person in the galaxy. It was like a third job. But in the end, it was amazing.
  2. I have a full time job. It’s not easy holding a position in a male dominated world. Sometimes I feel like I have to work ten times harder than a man in my position. Paid off tho, I’m a V mother fucking P.
  3. Weight gain. Fuck. The saying is true – the older you get, the harder it is to lose weight. It’s frustrating. I joined this like 40+ slo body yoga class for like $250 a month and for a while I was into it. But I didn’t lose weight. Like haven’t we figured out an affordable wine that helps you lose weight?
  4. Breakup. I was discreet dating someone for almost a year and kept all of that clandestine. I wasn’t happy in the relationship. I mean, we had fun and he was truly a great guy. I dunno, like little things started to annoy me. And the little things turned into bigger things because like a true passive aggressive, I held it all inside. Maybe I thought I didn’t deserve kindness, I don’t know.
  5. Current Events. EVERY DAY something terrible is happening in society. It was hard to post positive things. And while I KNOW my problems are incredible insignificant to REAL WORLD problems, I just could post positive shit on the daily.
  6. Home owner. OMG. It was so much easier having an apartment in New York city than owning a house in Florida. I would call my super to help me with the smallest task. Now, I gotta deal with like adult stuff – and that shit is hard when you don’t have a PHD in Home Depot and you are the man of the house.
  7. Take care of kid and pets > 9 – 5 job > take care of kids and pets > laundry > clean kitchen > do dishes > take care of kid and pets > work > tv > sleep. I got stuck in the cycle.
  8. Lack of inspiration. I used to paint and be incredibly creative. I feel like I lost my mojo. Writing has always been a great outlet, but, like who the fuck cares what I have to say?
  9. Destiny. I know we all have this burning desire inside of us. But like, why can’t I pinpoint what I was put on this earth to do? I believe in a higher power – in some form, but I know I wasn’t put on this earth to just like live this suburban mom life. And it’s frustrating as hell not knowing what my destiny is. And it’s also scary – like I lie awake at night thinking about my future and my sons future and praying to G-d that we will be ok.
  10. Funds. I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to live in New York City. The only thing that sucked was that after I got paid, I was literally broke two days later. When I moved to Florida, I thought things would be different and yeah I guess they are a bit easier but it would be nice to drop a few thousand on Botox and all that new weird shit going on. I mean how do people afford new tits? I would give anything to get my boobs done. I guess, it would just be nice to treat myself which doesn’t happen that often. I’m a giver.

I know what you’re thinking. This list is pathetic. There are REAL PEOPLE with REAL PROBLEMS and I’m bitching about my inability to get Botox. I can’t label myself and put myself in a category tho – I pretty sure things like that lead to depression, which thankfully I don’t suffer from. I can only be real.

I’m going to try and take a shot at this again. I started this website way back in 2007. I have lost my content, re-invented several times with the hopes I can put a smile on your face. I don’t know where I’m going to take this. All I know is that it makes me feel great when I release my thoughts, my desires and dreams. I may not be eloquent, you probably will disagree with me on things, but it’s a journey – and I’m proud of myself for being open and honest.